"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
“I won’t be impressed with technology until I can download food.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
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