"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.”
― Bill Murray
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good if it's the pepper or the oni."
— Ulrik Stephens
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face."
— Enrico Caruso
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke