"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt."
— Charles M. Shulz
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift