“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“A pizza slice a day keeps sadness away.”
― Jet Paacal
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it."
— Buddy Hackett
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson