“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found."
— Calvin Trillin
“Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.”
― Dean Koontz
"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie."
— Jim Davis
"Americans will eat garbage provided you sprinkle it liberally with ketchup."
— Henry James
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon."
— Doug Larson
“Red meat is not bad for you. Now, blue-green meat—that’s bad for you!”
— Tom Smothers