I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
So how many cats do you have?
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
My fridge is hotter than you.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.