Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
So how many cats do you have?
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
My fridge is hotter than you.
Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Are you a red light because stop.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
Except the direction I'm walking in.
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