Roses are red
Violets are cheaper
If I leave silent voicemails
Please don’t call me a creeper.
If I could rearrange the alphabet...
I'd leave it the way it is.
Has a guy ever walked up to you just to tell you how beautiful you are?
They must have been much drunker than I am.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
Do you like wine?
Because that's all your doing.
Can I check the tag on your clothes?
Why, because I'm made in heaven?
No, because your sweating profusely through your armpits and I want to avoid purchasing this fabric in the future.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket?
Why, because you can see yourself in my pants?
No, because I wanted to check how I look before I hit on your hot friend.
Hey girl, are you a broom?
Why, because I swept you off your feet?
No, because you're really hairy.
So how many cats do you have?
My fridge is hotter than you.
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Camel called.
He wants his toe back.
Are you a banker?
Because you need to leave me a loan.
How much does a Polar Bear weigh?
I don't know.
About ten pounds less than you, fat-ass.
Girl, I know your wearing Nike, but I just won't do it.
Are you the sun?
Because you should stay 93 million miles away from me.
You're like Newton's laws.
Not perfect, but good enough.
Are you from Tennessee?
Because you look inbred.
Do you know Santa?
Because you're not what I wanted for Christmas.
When I see your face there's not a thing that I would change...
Are you a fire detector?
Because you're loud and annoying.
Your name must be trigonometry, because you make me want to cry.
I'd like to get you wet. At least long enough to get you back to the ocean.
Are you a red light because stop.
Excuse me, do you have a pen?
Then you'd better get back to it before the farmer notices you're gone.
Did you just fart?
Why, because I blew you away?
No, because you smell like sh*t.
Are you a cigarette?
Because when I'm done with your butt I'm gonna throw it away.
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
Your name must be Calculus Homework, because I have no interest in doing you.
If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d move U.
Because you’re blocking the TV.
I can tell what a woman drinks just by looking at her, and for you it's a diet coke.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, sure.
Great, then I can sit there.
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
I have to say “Hi” to the prettiest girl in the room… can you help me say “Hi” to that girl over there?
Except the direction I'm walking in.
Are you bad WiFi?
Because I'm feeling no connection here.
You must sprinkle extra sugar in your cereal in the morning...
Why, because I'm so sweet?
No, because you're really fat.
Do you have a library card?
So you can check me out?
No, because my cat just died and I need to find a book about cat funerals.
Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
There's something gorgeous about your eyes...
Oh, that's it! It's my reflection.
Would you sleep with me for $100? I could really use the money.
Are you a lumberjack?
Why, because I give you wood?
No, because you have masculine forearms and you're wearing Wranglers jeans.
From the moment I saw you, I knew I would be spending the rest of my life trying to avoid you.
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
Are you a computer technician?
Because you turn my hardware into software.
Woah! You look like I need a drink.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
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