"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
“Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.”
- Gregory “Pappy” Boyington
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
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