“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"A change of latitude would help my attitude."
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
“Yes officer I did see the speed limit sign, I just didn’t see you.”
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"Love may be the best driving wheel, but anger is a pretty good second."
– Steven Tyler
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“I’m getting used to wearing flip-flops everywhere. It’s a dangerous place to be. Next thing you know, I’m gonna show to a board meeting in sandals.”
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."