"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
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