"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales