"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
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