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My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
I'm glad you are wearing non-slip shoes because if you come home with me it's gonna get real wet.
A Tale of Tortoise and Snail A tortoise went out for a few beers and, despite being severely worse for wear, decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless, stole what little money he still had and, as a final insult, they sprayed obscenities on his shell. Utterly distraught, he was taken to the local police station where the fox inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants . "I don't know!" He cried, "It all happened so fast!"
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
A Distraught Man Visits a Psychiatrist The psychiatrist was not expecting the distraught stranger who staggered into his office and slumped into a chair. "You've got to help me. I'm losing my memory, Doctor," he sobbed. "I once had a successful business, a wife, home and family; I was a respected member of the community. But all that's gone now. Since my memory began failing, I've lost the business - I couldn't remember my clients' names. My wife and children have left me, too; and why shouldn't they - some nights I wouldn't get home until four or five in the morning. I'd forget where I lived... And it's getting worse. Doctor, it's getting worse!" "This is not an unusual form of neurosis," the psychiatrist said soothingly. "Now tell me, just how long ago did you first become aware of this condition?" "Condition?" The man sat up in his chair. "What condition?!?"
"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."
Hey Cinderella, must be time I took you home. It’s nearly midnight!
Are you a Gingersnap/Eggnog Latte? Because I want to bring you home for the holiday.
I'll be home for Christmas—and I want you to come with me.
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Can You Say Daddy? Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
If home is where the heart is, then my home is in you.
If you were a bouquet of fresh-cut flowers, I would take you home.
Your eyes glow just like the twin suns on my home planet.
Starlight, Starbright, why don’t you come home with me tonight!
"Go home! Go home! Go home! With me."
- Family Matters
"If I win, I get to take you home. If you win, you can come home with me."
- Trees Lounge (1996)
My real costume is at home in a box under my bed.
How to Get Your Packages Two friends, Mick and Dave, are having lunch over at Dave’s house when the conversation turns to postal delivery workers. Dave, disgruntled about the subject, says “I order a lot of books to get delivered here daily, but I always get a slip saying that they missed me, even if I’m home to receive them. I’m getting sick of it.” Mick, understanding his frustration, suggests “Maybe you should fight back, complain about it or something.” Dave confidently replies “Don’t you worry about that. I’ve got it sorted today. I’ve put a sign on the front saying that I trade books for paint thinner.” Mick confusedly asks “And how will that solve the problem?” As though on cue, the doorbell rings and a man is heard calling out that he’s with the local postal delivery service, followed by some choice swearing. Dave, nonplussed by the whole situation, wipes his mouth, stands up and says to Mick “Because I covered the front doorstep with super glue.”
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