A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died. After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly. "What's the story?" she asked. "Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied. "How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
I only lost 2 pounds while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy. I guess I'm not as full of crap as I thought.
Can You Say Daddy?
Dad: "No. Say daddy."
Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!"
Dad: "What did you say?"
Mom: "I'm home!"
Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?"