Crap

Constipated people don’t give a crap.
Love is like a fart - if you have to force it it's probably crap.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
I only lost 2 pounds while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.
I guess I'm not as full of crap as I thought.
Why did God give blondes 2 more brain cells than horses? So they don't crap in the parade.
You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
Can You Say Daddy?
Can You Say Daddy? Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
Yo Mama so ugly when she went to the bathroom, she scared the crap out of the toilet.