Crap Jokes

I was mad on the toilet this morning since I was running late, and I thought to myself...
I don’t have time for this crap!
I designed a new toilet but cannot find anyone to test it out.
No one gives a crap.
I only lost 2 pounds while taking laxatives for a colonoscopy.
I guess I'm not as full of crap as I thought.
A blond pushes her BMW into the gas station and tells the mechanic that it died.
After working on it for a few minutes, he has it idling smoothly.
"What's the story?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replied.
"How often do I have to do that?" asked the blond.
Constipated people don’t give a crap.
Love is like a fart - if you have to force it it's probably crap.
Can You Say Daddy? Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
My mother-in-law dropped her iPhone in the toilet...
I told her, "there's a CRAP for that."
I asked the kids to pickup the dog poo out the back
They did a crap job.
Yo Mama so ugly when she went to the bathroom, she scared the crap out of the toilet.
"Motherhood – when 90% of your time is spent putting other people’s crap away." — Anonymous
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