Hear

How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco de Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson and Franciso Pizarro?
They can never seem to beat the straights of Magellan.
Did you hear about the math professor who was afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.

How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
Did you hear about the crow who worked at a call Center?
He was fired for Just Caws.
Can You Say Daddy?
Can You Say Daddy? Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
The Remakrable Native American
The Remakrable Native American Many years ago, two cowboys come upon a Native American lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Native American looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Remarkable!" The Native looks up weakly and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it..
then my illegal logging business is a success.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!