Hear

Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
“Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Can You Say Daddy?
Can You Say Daddy? Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein.
After the doctor finished up with my prostrate exam the nurse came in and said three words I didn’t want to hear...
“Who was that?”
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
The Remakrable Native American
The Remakrable Native American Many years ago, two cowboys come upon a Native American lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Native American looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Remarkable!" The Native looks up weakly and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
Did you hear about the restaurant they built on the moon?
The food is good but it lacks atmosphere.