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Mom

The Awkward Question
The Awkward Question An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is s*x?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. "Why did you ask this question?" Her father asked her: The little girl replied, "Well mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
How Much Does He Charge?
How Much Does He Charge? A man drove over to his neighbor’s house and knocked on the door... A boy, about 8, opened the door. “Is your mom or dad home?” the man asked the boy. “No, they went into town,” the boy replied. “Well, how about your brother Howard?” the man asked. “No, he went with mom and dad,” the boy said. The man stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says: “I know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.” “Well,” The man said uncomfortably “I wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my sister pregnant.” The boy thought for a moment then said: “You’ll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
I was upset that my mom had sewn patches onto her sweater.
Patches was a great cat.
One mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
The earth was flat...
Until they buried your mom.
My favorite se* position is called “WOW”
It’s where I flip your MOM over.
My mom always told me I wouldn't accomplish anything by lying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world.
Can You Say Daddy?
Can You Say Daddy? Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "No. Say daddy." Baby: "Mommy." Dad: "Crap! Say daddy!" Baby: "Crap!" Dad: "What did you say?" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "I'm home!" Baby: "Crap!" Mom: "What? Where did you hear that?" Baby: "Daddy."
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
When I was ten my Mom told me to take my brother to a movie so she could set up for his surprise birthday party.
That's when I realized that he was her favorite twin.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"

Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
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