What do you call a cop with a wooden leg?
Officer.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
You know what they say? Words.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
What’s blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Knock knock.
Come in.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
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