Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
Knock knock.
Come in.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?
Tax evasion.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
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