What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
What did one Frenchman say to the other?
I have no idea; I don’t speak French.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
Knock knock.
Come in.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
Two muffins are sitting in the oven.
One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
What did one Japanese man say to the other? I’ve no idea, I don’t speak Japanese.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
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