Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
Knock knock. Come in.
What did the doctor say to the other doctor? We’re both doctors!
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail? Tax evasion.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
What has five fingers and looks human? A severed hand.
What would Kurt Cobain be doing if he was still alive? Clawing at the inside of his casket.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide. The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive? Because she’s dead.
Knock knock. Who’s there? To. To who? No, “to whom.”
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor? “Where’s my tractor?”
How do you get a clown off a swing? Hit him with an axe.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile? Your face muscles.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
Helium walks into a bar. He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
You know what they say? Words.
A blonde is a living person with a specific hair color, and a bowling ball is an inanimate object used in the sport of bowling.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup? Nothing.
What do you call a cop with a wooden leg? Officer.