Anti Jokes

Why did no one laugh at the Anti Jokes Section? Because they weren't funny.

How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…

“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
Why can’t Micheal J Fox draw a perfect circle?
Because he hasn't been trained as an artist.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
Knock knock.
Come in.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
An Irishman, a Chinaman and an American all walk into a bar. This is an excellent example of integrated community.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
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