What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
What leaves a bigger hole in your heart than breaking up with your girlfriend?
A bullet.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
Knock knock.
Come in.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
You know what they say? Words.
What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?
Nothing.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar.
He gets treated with great respect, since he’s such a talented actor.
A dog walks into a bar and is promptly escorted out, as animals are not allowed.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
A guy walks into a bar. He gets a drink and leaves.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
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