Lord

Did the Lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why you’ve made women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why you’ve made them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back..."
The Priest and the Police Officer
The Priest and the Police Officer An Irish priest is driving home from a night at his favorite bar. A police officer notices a car swerving all over the road and proceeds to pursue. The Irishman pulls over and the cop makes his way to the driver. Checking the vehicle and noticing bottles all over the floorboard, the policeman asks, "Have you been drinking?" "I don't know what you're on about, officer. I had just only left church after giving praise to the lord for his many blessings and miracles," said the priest. The policeman frowned, "Well then, what's in the bottles?" "Water", the priest replied. The policeman reached in and grabbing a bottle, opened the top and was quickly overcame with the smell. "This is wine!" The priest then promptly shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD, HE'S DONE IT AGAIN!"
What do you call a Sith Lord who likes to go fishing? Darth Wader.
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
I once had a gerbil named Bobby,
Who had an unusual hobby.
He chewed on a cord,
and now -- oh my lord,
now all that's left is a blobby.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. -- Mark Twain