# Elephant

A Circus Visit
Little Timmy and his parents went to the circus. When the elephants came out into the ring, Timmy turned to his mom and asked, "What's that hanging down from that elephant? "His mom said, "That's the elephant's trunk." Timmy said, "No, not that. Back underneath the elephant." His mom, embarrassed, said. "That's nothing." Timmy isn't satisfied with her response, and turns to his father, "Dad, what's that hanging down underneath that elephant?" Dad says, "That's the elephant's penis." "But mom said it was nothing." "I know, son. I've really spoiled that woman."
â€œOne morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
The Elephant Scheme
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
Damn girl, I must be an elephant. Because I'd never forget you.
The Lion's Birthday Party
Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane? A: 99. Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge. Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fridge? A: Open the fridge, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the fridge. Q: Today is the lion kingâ€™s birthday party. All animals except for one arrive. Which animal is missing and why? A: The elephant is missing because he is still stuck in the fridge. Q: Sally must cross an alligator-infested river in order to safely make it out of a huge jungle. Usually, the alligators would kill any animal that approaches their waters. However, Sally makes it across safely. Why? A: All the alligators are at the lion kingâ€™s birthday party. Q: Unfortunately, Sally still dies. How did she die? A: She was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephantâ€”
No! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephoneâ€”
(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now Iâ€™ve got it right.)
Howeâ€™er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telepheeâ€”
(I fear Iâ€™d better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)

(Laura E. Richards)
An elephant slept in his bunk,
And in slumber his chest rose and sunk.
But he snored â€” how he snored!
All the other beasts roared,
So his wife tied a knot in his trunk.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you donâ€™t believe me â€“ but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
The Real All-You-Can-Eat
A few decades ago there is a restaurant that advertised that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you \$5000 as an apology. A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be total BS, but decides to try it out anyway. He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?" Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin to eat, please" Waiter: "Give us just a moment." The waiter leaves to the kitchen. As a few minutes pass by; the man believes he's going to get an easy \$5000 as he thinks they are taking too long and probably preparing something else. At this moment, the waiter returns. Appearing a little anxious, the waiter asks, "Apologies sir, but do you mind telling me what kind of elephant you want this ear from?" The man is stunned. He didn't think they'd get to this moment. Man: "Uhhh... .An Indian elephant is fine." Waiter: "Thank you." The waiter goes back to the kitchen. 1 minute later, the waiter returns again. Waiter: "And which side did you want the ear from?" The man is starting to sweat bullets at this point. Man: "Uhhhhhhhhh.... Left ear, I guess." "Splendid." Says the waiter and leaves to the kitchen yet again. The man is scared as he has no idea how much this ear is going to blast away his wallet. 5 minutes later, the waiter comes back with a platter of food and \$5000 for the man. Waiter: "Here is your order sir. Sorry, but we are out of muffins."
An Elephant Never Forgets
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day when he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log. The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, "Why did you do that?" The elephant replied, "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago." The giraffe said, "Wow, what a memory you've got!" "Yes," said the elephant proudly. "Turtle recall."
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
An Animal Game of Poker
In a part of Las Vegas humans don't know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas... and arguing. Lion: "Stop taking glances at my card, you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "No, you're a Lion!" Warthog: "You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices." Elephant: "Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGING all the wings!" Warthog: "Tell that to the dude who thinks eating them will make him fly." Ostrich: "You can't talk, you snort off of the table. Also, will we just ignore the fact that one guy ate all the bananas?" Monkey: "Give me a break, I can't even get dinner protein after they fixed all the bugs in the slot machines." Giraffe: "Why don't you just steal leftovers from random plates like I do? You just lean over." The Dog at the table looks at all of them and rolls his eyes. "Ugh, I knew I should have played with my usual crowd!"
The Tricky Questions...
Jacob was sitting in the hall of the school, bored out of his mind. Suddenly the teacher walked by and he asked her: "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?" The teacher, amused, said "I don't know, how?" Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?" The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?" Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there." Then he asked another question: "All the animals went to the tigers birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?" The teacher a bit confused and said "The tiger?" Then the student said "No,the giraffe because he's still in the fridge." Then he asked her just one more question: "If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you?" The teacher then says: "Well. you would walk over the bridge." Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the tiger's birthday party!" She laughs and walks away.
â€œThe only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."