What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
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