When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
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