What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
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