Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
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