What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.