What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
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