What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
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