It’s time to say Versailles to France.
What’s the capital of France?
The F.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
France – it’s just a oui bit different!
It’s impossible to Rouen a trip to France.
France is beautiful in every Cezanne.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
Which city in France is the nicest?
Nice.
I’ve loved my vacation in France, but it’s time to Hugo.
What’s Austrian and took over France?
Croissants.
What are stepfathers called in France?
Faux pas.
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
Can I go to France this year? Of Corsican!
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
Have you heard of the tallest tower in France?
It’s a real Eiffel.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
What do they call the Hunger Games in France?
Battle Royale with Cheese.
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?
It's Pierre-reviewed.
French fries aren’t cooked in France
They’re cooked in greece.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
I guess I’m going to France
Because I have nothing Toulouse.
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
So you live in the seventh most populous city in France?
Must be Nice.
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
French bred.
I’ll try to keep it brief, but I have so much to Marseilles about France.
What do France and a pigeon have in common?
Every 5 minutes, there is a coo.
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
Someone from Southern France sent me an MS Word file with 200 pages.
It's a Languedoc.
What did France, Great Britain, and their allies say after The Great War?
World War Won.
What does the Tour de France and Amsterdam have in common?
They both have a bunch of people on drugs riding around on bikes.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to France from America?
Son, we are now Europeants!
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
Paratroopers from England, Scotland, France and the US were on a plane.
During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute.
The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute.
The American downed a glass of bourbon, said "For freedom!" and jumped without the parachute.
The Scotsman downed a glass of whiskey, said "For Scotland!" and threw the Englishman.
A man is sitting in the bar at a busy airport. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him. He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the Delta Airline motto: "We love to fly and it shows".
The woman looks at him blankly.
He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto: "Winning the hearts of the world".
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto: "Going beyond expectations".
The woman looks at him wearily and says: "What the heck do you WANT, moron?"
"Ah!" he says, sitting back with a smile on his face. "Spirit Airlines..."
It's Soviet Russia, 1978, and Rabinovich is woken up by a knock on the door.
Rabinovich: "Who's there?"
A firm voice responds: "Post office. Please open."
Rabinovich opens the door and is unsurprised to find Two KGB agents standing there. One of them is holding an envelope.
KGB officer 1: "Tell us, Comrade Rabinovich, what is the best government system in the world?"
Rabinovich: "Why, Communism."
KGB officer 2: "And what country has the best living standards?"
Rabinovich: "The Soviet Union, of course."
Officer 1: "And what constitution is the best at protecting the rights of the citizens?"
Rabinovich: "The Soviet Constitution, Comrades."
Officer 2: "Then do you mind explaining to us, Comrade Rabinovich, why you have recently filed a request to emigrate to France?"
Rabinovich: "Well, I heard that over there, they don't deliver the mail in the middle of the night."
Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual meeting of technological advancement reports.
The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!"
The crowd was shocked and murmurs of "How could this be!" were heard. His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun."
The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." Again, shock and disbelief rang through the great meeting hall.
An assistant jumped up and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. He bowed deeply and said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. Our new submarine can only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean."
It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of France's contribution. He stood and looked around, "We in France have been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!"
Now the UN meeting was in shock and visible horror that France would play with genetic engineering.
"Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below their noses."
An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.
At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.
"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically.
The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.
"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."
The Canadian said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, "Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show it to."
They say about women that...
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still, a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all-conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like France. She has been through war, and vowed never again.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:
Between 1 and 100, a man is like Iran and Russia: Ruled by a pair of nuts.
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