“Gardener’s recipe: one-part soil, two-parts water, three-parts wishful thinking.”
— Anonymous
"I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide."
- Jerry Seinfeld
All gardeners know better than other gardeners.”
— Chinese Proverb
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
"What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet."
- Shel Silverstein
“If you are not killing plants, you are not really stretching yourself as a gardener.”
— J.C. Raulston
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
"I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!"
- Steven Wright
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
"I always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn."
- C.E. Cowman
Housework is for people who don’t know how to garden.”
— Anonymous
“Weeds are nature’s graffiti.”
— Janice Maeditere
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken."
- James Dent
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
Gardening is a matter of your enthusiasm holding up until your back gets used to it
— Author Unknown
"What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it."
- Charles Dudley Warner
"Real gardeners buy at least ten thousand plants in the course of a lifetime without having the least idea where they'll put any of them when they get home."
— Anonymous