“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
“Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.” – Anonymous
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement.” — Tom Goins
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” – Ted Turner
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” — Bertrand Russell
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
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