"Thirty ways to shape up for summer. Number one: eat less. Number two: exercise more. Number three: what was I talking about again? I’m so hungry"
– Maria Bamford
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"I like swimming in a sun shirt. People always look at me like I fell in the pool"
– Jim Gaffigan
“Do what we can, summer will have its flies.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Summer is the annual permission slip to be lazy.”
– Regina Brett
"Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn’t deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten?"
– Jim Gaffigan
"I don't tan. I burn"
“It is a grave error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
- Anne Fadiman
“I believe someone made a grievous mistake when summer was created; no novitiate or god in their right mind would make a season akin to hell on purpose. Someone should be fired.”
― Michelle Franklin
“Summer vacation: where you drink triple, see double and act single.”
“A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.”
– Raymond Duncan
"Pollen- when flowers can't keep it in their plants"
“The average vacation is one-tenth playing—nine-tenths paying.”
–Arnold Glasow
If I don’t make it to heaven, at least I know what hell feels like with this heat!”
― April Mae Monterrosa
“I’m glad it’s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.”
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.”
– Doug Larson
"It's unsticking-your-thighs-from-a-plastic-chair season"
“When I figured out how to work my grill, it was quite a moment. I discovered that summer is a completely different experience when you know how to grill.”
— Taylor Swift
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