“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”
- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
- Carrie Underwood.
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
"What is a home without children. Quiet." – Henny Youngman
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
- Bette Davis.
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”
- Salty Mermaid.
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
- Ed Asner.
"The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest." – Unknown
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
"I don’t know whether they should say “You have a baby” or “The baby has you”." ~ Anonymous
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“You dropped your kid off a changing table? Stuff just happens, okay? Last week, my kid ate a cigarette. I caught him playing in the dryer yesterday. I picked up the wrong baby from daycare. I found my baby swimming in the toilet. No judging.”
- 'What To Expect When You Are Expecting'.
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - End Asner
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees, and he told me about the butcher and my wife.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
Go to BabaMail
