“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
“Can he have this?” With first baby: “Is it organic and homemade?” After second baby: “He can have anything except narcotics and alcohol.” - Unknown
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“You know your life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” - Anonymous
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”
- Andy Richter.
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“As a parent you’ve only got one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole.”
- Chris Rock.
"Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth." – Peter Ustinov
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”
- Steve Ryan.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
"The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest." – Unknown
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
- Milton Berle.
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million-dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.”
- Jim Bishop.
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
- Lane Olinghouse.
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
Go to BabaMail
