"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
“I would say that the hardest thing about being a parent is these goddamned kids.”
- Andy Richter.
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
- Brian Andreas.
"The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed." – Anonymous
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
- Phyllis Diller.
"Mom Pro Tip – If you’re old enough to critique what I put in your lunch, you’re old enough to make it yourself." – Unknown
“Kids are expensive, I didn’t even realize how broke I was until last year someone stole my identity and it ruined her life.”—Kate Davis
“In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn’t danced in television.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
“Parenting is a cult. And as a cult member, you can try to explain it to other people, but we just appear like lunatics.” – Jim Gaffigan
“You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be." - Anonymous
“If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.”
- Bette Davis.
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.” - Anonymous
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
“I’ve got seven kids, the three words you hear most around my house are: “Hello, goodbye, and I’m pregnant”.
- Dean Martin.
"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children." – Clarence Day
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“I think every kid thinks their dad is goofy.”
- Judd Apatow.
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - End Asner
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." – Robert Orben
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
- Phyllis Diller.
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.”
—P.J. O’Rourke
“Having a baby dragged me, kicking and screaming, from the world of self-absorption.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.”
- James Baldwin.
“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.” - Jerry Seinfeld
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
Go to BabaMail
