“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." - Joginder Singh
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
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