"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” - Henry Youngman
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”—Ogden Nash
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
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