"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown