“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Men scream and go crazy in the gym. I'm a silent workout partner, but when my adrenaline gets up, I talk trash."
- Fergie
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"Fitness: If it came in a bottle, everyone would have a great body."
- Cher.
"Take the admission to the gym to avoid the admission to the hospital."
- Amit Kalantri
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Never eat more than you can lift"- Miss Piggy.
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"I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren't in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets."- Dolly Parton
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
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