“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
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