“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
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