“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
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