“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
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