"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
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