“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
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