“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
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