"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
"I'm not sure how the average American would differentiate National Dessert Day from any other day."
– Andy Borowitz
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning."
– John Barrymore
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"Never trust a skinny cook."
– Iain Hewitson
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
“Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.”
― Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“I thought about losing weight once, but I don’t like losing.”
― Unknown
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Nutrition labels should include a “What if I ate the whole thing” section.”
― Unknown
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
“I didn’t get this physique by not eating tacos.”
― Jon Tester
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.”
― Unknown
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown