"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks."
— Totie Fields
"I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon."
— Ellen DeGeneres
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
“Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food."
– Erma Bombeck
“I’m glad I don’t have to hunt my own food, I don’t even know where sandwiches live.”
― Unknown
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
— Orson Welles
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.”
― Unknown
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"Never eat more than you can lift."
— Miss Piggy
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
“A party without a cake is really just a meeting.”
― Julia Child
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"When we put vegetables up for the winter, we use jars, but we call it canning. I find that jarring. And uncanny."
– Greg Tamblyn
“Every day is National Donut Day if you put your mind to it.”
― Unknown
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook."
— Julia Child
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.”
― Unknown
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
“Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.”
― Unknown
"I just want someone to look at me the way I look at food."
— Unknown
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
"Your diet is a bank account. Good food choices are good investments."
— Bethenny Frankel
“I want to tell you about the "sausage principle." The theory says, "If you love something, never try to find out how it is done."”
― Unknown
“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“When life hands you lemons, give them back. You deserve chocolate.”
― Unknown
“The key to my heart looks a whole lot like a plate of pasta.”
― Unknown
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“You only live once… Lick the bowl!”
― Unknown
“I have a passion for not cooking.”
― Unknown
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
— Will Rogers
“My mind says ‘abs’ but my heart says ‘cheese fries’.”
― Unknown
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