“A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.”
― Unknown
"A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do."
– P. J. O’Rourke
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Today I bought a doughnut without sprinkles. This diet thing is hard.”
― Unknown
“Little known fact, gentlemen. Tacos are the food of genius.”
― Heather Brewer
"Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks."
– Marilyn Wann
“Being a couch potato is dangerous, someone may get hungry and eat you!”
― Unknown
"Snack time heals all wounds."
— Bridger Winegar
"The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate!"
— Terry Moore
"After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations."
— Oscar Wilde
"When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight."
— Yogi Berra
"Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."
– Mitch Hedberg
“My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.”
― Henny Youngman
“Another day, another 13,000 calories.”
— Andy Lassner
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“The only thing I like better than talking about food is eating.”
— John Walters
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that, five or six days later, you're hungry again."
– George Miller
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
“All my life I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
― Unknown
"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."
– Abraham Lincoln
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
"A slice of pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze."
— Stephen King
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken."
— Jonathan Swift
“There’s no “we” in ice cream.”
― Unknown
"When you see a couple walking down the street holding hands and laughing, you look over to your side and the only thing you're holding is a half-eaten sandwich."
— Violet Matters
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
“Abs are temporary. Chocolate is forever.”
― Unknown
"Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is."
— P. J. O'Rourke
"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand
“Being a beaver is nice, if you’re hungry you just eat a piece of your home.”
― Unknown
"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
– J.R.R. Tolkien
“Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness has clearly never spent their money on pizza.”
― Andrew W.K.
"I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food."
— W.C. Fields
“Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.”
― Bill Murray
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
– David Mamet
"There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap."
— Kevin James
“I’m like Pacman when I’m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.”
― Unknown
"Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing."
— Joss Whedon
"Without ice cream, there would be darkness and chaos."
– Don Kardong
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again."
— George Miller
“Love means never having to say “Should we get dessert?”
― Unknown
"Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first."
– Ernestine Ulmer
“An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.”
― Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
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