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math puns Jokes

math puns Jokes and more.
The Train Math Problem
2 college students accidentally miss the math final exam. The next day they both went to plead with their professor. He was feeling pretty good that day so he allowed them to retake it. He told them to both come back tomorrow for an oral exam. When they both showed up he told one of them to wait outside while he tests the other. So one enters and the other puts his ear to the door to listen. The professor begins asking the question: "You are riding in a train car and you get too hot. What do you do?" The student replies,"I open the window." "Ok. Now that window is 2 feet wide and 3 feet high. The train is traveling 50 mph going north and the wind is blowing at 15 mph due east. How long will it take for new air to replace the old air in the car?" The student is clearly confused at this difficult question and just answers,"I don't know." So the professor gives him an F, dismisses him, and calls in his friend. He begins asking his friend "you are riding in a train car and it gets too hot. What do you do? He says,"I will take my jacket off." "Ok. But its still too hot. What do you do?" "I take my shirt off." "I understand but its very, very hot." "I will just get naked." "Ok. But there are people in the the car who will see you get naked." "With all respect, Professor," said the student, "I don't care if my grandmother and my priest are there, there's no way I'm opening that darn window!"
Strawberry Puns
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Bone Puns
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
Funny Break Up Lines
Hey girl, you must be a math book because you’re full of problems.
Puns
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra.
An unlucky skydiver's last pun: 'Ah chute!'
Grammar Puns
Grammar Nazis for math should be called Fibbonazis.
Mother Puns
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
Dad Puns
The only good pun is a dad pun
but who am I kidding?
St. Patrick's Day Puns
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
My Teacher Wants to See You...
A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you." "What happened?" The father asks. "Well, she asked me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answered '63' , then she asked, 'and 9 * 7?' So I asked 'what's the bloody difference?' "Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.'' The next day, the boy comes home from school and says, "Dad, have you gone by the school?" "Not yet." "Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also." "Why?" asks the father. "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked, 'What, am I suppose to stand on.... my penis??'" "Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come." The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?" "No, not yet." "Don't bother, I got expelled." Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?" "Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher." "What the bloody hell was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father. "That's what I bloody said!"
Divorce Puns
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Owl Puns
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
Phone Number Pick Up Lines
It seems like you have the answer to my math problem. What are your digits?
Pea Puns
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Eye Puns
Bad puns are how eye roll.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Crocodile Puns
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Ocean Puns
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.
Math Puns
Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.
What’s the best way to woo a math teacher?
Use acute angle.
What did the math teach rate the movie American Pie?
3.14
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What’s the best place to do math homework?
On a multiplication table.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
The Genius Student
Tommy was sitting in math class when suddenly his teacher asked him “Tommy, How much is 2 + 2?” Tommy, caught off guard, begins counting his fingers under the table mumbling to himself: “1…2…3…4,” before happily exclaiming “The answer is four!” “That’s correct,” answered his teacher, “but I saw you counting your fingers instead of doing the math in your head. So I want you to put your hands behind your back and tell me what do you get if you add 3 + 3?” Tommy put his hands behind his back, but his teacher saw that he was still moving uncomfortably as if he were trying to count fingers. After a few moments he said uncertainly, "is the answer six?" "You are correct," she replied, "but I see you're still counting fingers despite me asking you not to! Put your hands in your pant pockets and tell me what you get if you add 5 + 5." Tommy put his hands in his pants and his teacher saw him looking at his pants and moving his lips without uttering a word. Finally the teacher became impatient and said: "I see what you're doing there and I can tell you right now that the answer is not eleven!"
Vehicle Puns
Car puns are really tiring
Beaver Puns
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
Pun Puns
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
How were these puns about puns?
They were pun-questionably pun-fortunate!
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
What did the pun mom say to the new pun dad?
We have a pun in the oven!
What a pun's dream job?
To be an acu-pun-cturist!
What's a pun's best trait?
His pun-ctuality!
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
Why was the pun a bad comedian?
He never got the pun-chline right!
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
What did the pun say to his annoying colleague?
You're being pun-reasonable right now!
Have you ever tried to write your own puns?
It's a fairly difficult pun-dertaking!
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn't use proper pun-ctuation!
Toilet Puns
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Multiply.
Potato Puns
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Mermaid Puns
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Turtle Puns
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
Laundry Puns
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
One Liners for Kids
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Anti Pick Up Lines
If you were a math test, I would cheat on you.
Ant Puns
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Math Pick Up Lines
If we are both math majors, then why is there so much chemistry between us?
I heard you like math, so what’s the sum of U+Me?
I know my math. And you’ve got one significant figure!
Egg Puns
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
Pumpkin Puns
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
The Farmers and the Logic Test
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers. Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." "Then you're gay."
History Puns
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Meat Puns
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Salad Puns
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Halloween Puns
Are any of the Halloween Monsters good at math?
Only if you Count Dracula.
The Wife's Math
A woman comes home and find a letter from her husband on the dinner table. She opens it and reads: "My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn. Please don't be upset, I shall be back before midnight." When the man came home late that night, he found a reply to his letter on the dining room table: "My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. I would like to inform you that, while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also an assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and, like your secretary, he is 18. You, being a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths, will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18...
The New School
An eleven-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large black 'A' under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked. The boy shook his head and said "No." "Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?" "No." "The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?" "No", said the son. "Then what was it??" "Well, on that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"