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elephant Jokes

elephant Jokes and more.
Train Puns
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
Mouse Puns
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Otter Puns
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
One Liners and Short Jokes
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
Orange Puns
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Basketball Puns
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Mother Puns
When Dumbo’s mom was pregnant, no one would talk about it.
It was the elephant in the womb.
Beach Puns
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
The Blonde and the Trees
A woman had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. “My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?” “Yes, officer, I’m just fine.” the woman, drunk as a skunk, chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the inebriated woman began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was…” “Uh, ma’am?”, the officer said, cutting her off. “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles - that was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Sloth Puns
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Giraffe Puns
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
Nuts Puns
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The Circus is in Town
A couple is finally going out to a nice dinner. “The Magic Clown Circus is coming to town next week,” she said. “The poster says they have real acrobats. I always wanted to see one of those.” “Maybe next year, Lisa.” says the man. “I'm super busy at work right now.” The next night at dinner, before the man even sits, the wife bursts out excitedly: “The neighbors went to the show today and said the acrobats were doing the Macarena, the whole thing - on a tightrope! Can you imagine?” “Honey, I’d love nothing better than to take you,” said the man. “But you know Frank will be mad if I don’t get this project done in time." The following night Lisa gushed about how apparently a dozen clowns had popped out of this teeny-tinsy-tiny car and did the Hokey Pokey in bloomers and it was about the funniest thing the neighbors had ever seen. The man was starting to feel a little bad that he couldn’t take her, but he had a job to do. He left while his wife was still talking excitedly about goats doing the Cha-Cha. The night after, the wife was quite sad and morose. “Donald, My tennis coach said last night the lion tamer and the elephant rider did a waltz and it was just the most perfect scene!” she said. “It feels like we’re the only people in town who haven’t seen the show yet and they only have one more tomorrow! Oh please can’t we go?” Donald mulls it over and decides that this might be the only opportunity for them to see such a thing, and maybe work can wait. He calls his friend to ask him to cover for him at work the next day, and the man and his wife go to bed excited about seeing the show. The next day at work the boss notices his best employee is out and inquires about it with the friend. “Ah yes,” says the friend. “Donald won't be coming in today due to four unseen circus dances.”
The Real All-You-Can-Eat
A few decades ago there is a restaurant that advertised that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology. A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be total BS, but decides to try it out anyway. He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?" Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin to eat, please" Waiter: "Give us just a moment." The waiter leaves to the kitchen. As a few minutes pass by; the man believes he's going to get an easy $5000 as he thinks they are taking too long and probably preparing something else. At this moment, the waiter returns. Appearing a little anxious, the waiter asks, "Apologies sir, but do you mind telling me what kind of elephant you want this ear from?" The man is stunned. He didn't think they'd get to this moment. Man: "Uhhh... .An Indian elephant is fine." Waiter: "Thank you." The waiter goes back to the kitchen. 1 minute later, the waiter returns again. Waiter: "And which side did you want the ear from?" The man is starting to sweat bullets at this point. Man: "Uhhhhhhhhh.... Left ear, I guess." "Splendid." Says the waiter and leaves to the kitchen yet again. The man is scared as he has no idea how much this ear is going to blast away his wallet. 5 minutes later, the waiter comes back with a platter of food and $5000 for the man. Waiter: "Here is your order sir. Sorry, but we are out of muffins."
Worm Puns
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Poop Puns
After letting elephant dung dry in the sun, it's nearly indestructible.
In fact, I'd say it's pretty heavy doody.
Monster Puns
How much does an elephant skeleton weigh?
Skele-tons.
Rain Puns
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?

When it’s not raining.
Fish Puns
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
One Liners for Kids
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

By the footprints in the butter!
Why Did Others Cross the Road? One Liners
Why did the elephant cross the road?
The chicken couldn’t be bothered anymore.
The Tricky Questions...
Jacob was sitting in the hall of the school, bored out of his mind. Suddenly the teacher walked by and he asked her: "How do you put an elephant in the fridge?" The teacher, amused, said "I don't know, how?" Jacob then said "You open the door and put it in there!" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question "How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?" The teacher then replied "Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?" Jacob said "No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there." Then he asked another question: "All the animals went to the tigers birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?" The teacher a bit confused and said "The tiger?" Then the student said "No,the giraffe because he's still in the fridge." Then he asked her just one more question: "If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you?" The teacher then says: "Well. you would walk over the bridge." Then Jacob says "No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the tiger's birthday party!" She laughs and walks away.
Tree Puns
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Stop, You're Blonde
A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine." the blond chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blond began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh, ma'am?", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
An Elephant Never Forgets
An elephant was drinking out of the river one day when he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log. The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, "Why did you do that?" The elephant replied, "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago." The giraffe said, "Wow, what a memory you've got!" "Yes," said the elephant proudly. "Turtle recall."
Computer Puns
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
The Lion's Birthday Party
Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane? A: 99. Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge. Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fridge? A: Open the fridge, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, and close the fridge. Q: Today is the lion king’s birthday party. All animals except for one arrive. Which animal is missing and why? A: The elephant is missing because he is still stuck in the fridge. Q: Sally must cross an alligator-infested river in order to safely make it out of a huge jungle. Usually, the alligators would kill any animal that approaches their waters. However, Sally makes it across safely. Why? A: All the alligators are at the lion king’s birthday party. Q: Unfortunately, Sally still dies. How did she die? A: She was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Swimming Puns
How is it that elephants are always ready for a swim?
They never forget their trunks!
Whale Puns
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Some People Shouldn't Write Signs!
Some signs either make no sense or too many! On a bathroom door: "Toilet out of order. Please use floor below." In a laundromat: "Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out." In a london department store: "Bargain basement upstairs." In an office: "Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday Please bring it back? Or further steps will be taken." Outside a secondhand shop:  "We exchange anything bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?' Notice in health food shop window: "Closed due to illness." Spotted in a safari park: "Elephants please stay in your car." Seen during a conference: "For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, There is a day care on the 1st floor." Notice in a farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges." Message on a leaflet: "If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons." On a repair shop door: "We can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door The bell doesn't work)."
Funny Animal Quotes
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
Ant Puns
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
Family Puns
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
The Elephant Scheme
A man visits a zoo and asks to speak to the director about the new "Rent-an-Animal" program. The zoo has fallen on hard times financially, so they decided to rent some of their animals outside the usual visitation hours. Usually its the small, cuddly ones, but this man asks for one of the elephants. "An elephant?" The zoo director asks. "Yes, the biggest one you have, please." the man says, quite certain. "I mean, we can do that..." the director muses, "But it won't be cheap. That's $5,000 per day of rental alone and an additional $4,000$ for transportation. And you'll need to feed the elephant on your own bill, too." "That will not be a problem." the man says. "I'll just need him for a day, so here's $10,000 for your troubles." With that settled, the elephant gets transported to the mans address. "Very good. Put him in the bedroom on the second floor", the man orders. The personnel tries to get the elephant into the house, but he just doesn't fit through the door. Without hesitation, the man calls a construction company and rents a crane to get the elephant up, through the dismantled window and then re-seal the window at horrifyingly high cost. "You know what, it is none of my business", the zoo director asks at this point, "but I must know: What is all this for?" "Well, you see", the man explains, "My wife's brother is living with us and he's a horrible know-it-all. Every quiz show we watch, he blurts out the answers before we can even take a guess. Every morning, he solves our crossword puzzles. He has beaten me fifteen times in a row at Trivial Pursuit. But this evening... This evening he will go upstairs, come back down and say: 'Hey, guess what, there's an elephant in my bedroom.' And I won't even look up from my book and just say 'Yes I know.'"
Elephant Puns
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Animal Pick Up Lines
Damn girl, I must be an elephant. Because I'd never forget you.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue Jokes
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Brown is the color
Of elephant poo.
An Animal Game of Poker
In a part of Las Vegas humans don't know about, a group of animals are playing cards in Las Vegas... and arguing. Lion: "Stop taking glances at my card, you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "No, you're a Lion!" Warthog: "You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices." Elephant: "Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGING all the wings!" Warthog: "Tell that to the dude who thinks eating them will make him fly." Ostrich: "You can't talk, you snort off of the table. Also, will we just ignore the fact that one guy ate all the bananas?" Monkey: "Give me a break, I can't even get dinner protein after they fixed all the bugs in the slot machines." Giraffe: "Why don't you just steal leftovers from random plates like I do? You just lean over." The Dog at the table looks at all of them and rolls his eyes. "Ugh, I knew I should have played with my usual crowd!"
Jokes For Women
What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it?
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
Koala Puns
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!