“I’m taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip. We’ve already had 2 major tantrums. We haven’t even left yet. Avenge my death.”
— James Breakwell
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
"Once the travel bug bites there is no known antitode, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life."
- Michael Palin
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"If you think adventure is dangerous try routine, it’s lethal."
– Paulo Coelho
"People complain that there are delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30 years."
- Louis C.K.
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
“Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.”
- Douglas Adams
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
“If you don’t like how I drive, get off the sidewalk.”
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"I get pretty much all the exercise I need walking down airport concourses carrying bags."
- Guy Clark
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
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