"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
"Driving is a spectacular form of amnesia. Everything is to be discovered, everything to be obliterated."
– Jean Baudrillard
“Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.”
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Okay, we’re all like 90% happy and 10% sunburnt."
"Driving fast on the track does not scare me. What scares me is when I drive on the highway I get passed by some idiot who thinks he is Fangio."
– Juan Manuel Fangio
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
"A bad day at sea is still better than a good day at work."
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places.”
– Tom Lichtenheld
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"By 35, if I’m not engaged or already starting a family, I declare myself the aunt who’s always traveling & comes to family events tipsy."
"Summer vacations are a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid."
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“If everything comes your way, you are in the wrong lane.”
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"You know it’s time for a vacation when you start looking like the person on your driving license…"
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
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