"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Road trips required a couple of things: a well-balanced diet of caffeine, salt, and sugar and an excellent selection of tunes—oh, and directions.”
– Jenn McKinlay
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“The mud will wash off but the memories will last a lifetime.”
“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!"
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"There are good ships
and wood ships
and ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships
are friendships
and may they always be."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"I bought my wife a ticket to go on a cruise. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
“Road Trips: Because they’re cheaper than therapy.”
“Jet lag is for amateurs.”
— Dick Clark
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”
— Dudley Moore
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
“That’s why I love road trips, dude. It’s like doing something without actually doing anything.”
– John Green
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."
– Franklin P. Jones
“I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.”
— Stephen Wright
"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
"Drive slow and enjoy the scenery - drive fast and join the scenery."
- Douglas Horton
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
"There are only two emotions on a plane: boredom and terror."
- Orson Welles
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"Teaching kids to count is fine, but teaching them what counts is best."
— Bob Talbert
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to everyone?”
— George Roberts
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
"Family Vacation (n.) A time for you to remember why your family never spends any time together."
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