“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain