“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
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