Soup

That Little Pill
That Little Pill A senior couple decides to try viagra for the first time ever. They have an incredible night together. In the morning, the wife asks her husband at breakfast time, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?" He declines. “Thanks for asking, but, I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite." At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food." Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry." "Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"
There was a Young Lady of Poole,
Whose soup was excessively cool;
So she put it to boil
By the aid of some oil,
That ingenious Young Lady of Poole.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
The other day my dad was making pea soup and cutting up onions
I started to cry because Onions was a good dog.
Asking Dad a Question
Asking Dad a Question A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting — don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone."
It Is SO COLD THAT...
It Is SO COLD THAT... How cold IS IT? It's so cold THAT... The rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe. Lawyers have their hands in their own pockets. You have to break the smoke off your chimney. You have to open the fridge to heat the house. Your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass. Police tell a robber to freeze, and he really does. Our words froze in midair and we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we hear what we were talking about. People look forward to getting a fever Mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears I'm shivering like a mobster in a tax office. We had to chisel the dog off a lamp-post Pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils and penguins Lady Liberty put her torch inside her dress! Prisoners are begging for the electric chair. Richard Simmons wearing shorts that come nearly to the half-thigh region. Roosters are rushing into KFC and begging to use the pressure cooker! A streaker froze in mid-streak! I chipped my tooth on my soup. Dunkin' Donuts is serving coffee on a stick. The local flasher was seen describing himself to three different women this morning. We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm. I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket. I actually saw a gangsta pull his pants up. I'm drinking hot sauce instead of coffee. Ice cubes are coming out of my faucet. Trees are chopping themselves into firewood. Cops are tasing themselves. I saw a greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside. The ice cubes in my drink have goose bumps. When all is said and done, I'm really thankful for the HOT FLASHES!
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What did the bowl of soup write on their Valentine?
I love you pho real.