Win Jokes

Hey girl. I won this gold medal, but I'd really like to win your heart.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
I bought a parrot but he has a foul mouth.
I let him loose so that he could fly South.
But he came home again.
This proves that I can't win.
He says the F word two hundred times a day.
He offends everybody and drives them away.
Nobody will take this bird even though I offer to pay them.
I'm going out of my mind, it looks like I'm stuck with him.
I have the only parrot on Earth that's a sinner.
If he doesn't shut up, he's going to be my dinner.
Hey, are you Oscar? Because I really want to win you...
"If I win, I get to take you home. If you win, you can come home with me."
- Trees Lounge (1996)
Why did the Ghosts win the soccer match? They scored more Ghouls.
If we raced, I would let you win, so I could get a good view from the back.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.
The Million-Dollar Sandwich Dilemma A sign in a restaurant window reads, "If you order it and we don't have it, you instantly win a million dollars." A man walking by notices the sign and walks into the restaurant, sitting down with a smirk. The waiter asks for his order, and the man requests "white rhinoceros stew." Surprisingly, the waiter returns with a steaming bowl of exactly that. The man, taken aback, eats the expensive meal and leaves angrily after paying. The next day, he returns with the same smirk and orders "bullet ants stuffed with dolphin meat." The waiter promptly brings him his requested dish. Once again, the man, surprised, eats his meal, pays, and leaves in frustration. On the third day, he sits down and asks for "a lactating mermaid breast sandwich." After a few minutes, the waiter returns with two large duffle bags containing one million dollars. Ecstatic, the man exclaims, "I knew it! You don't have mermaid breast!" The waiter politely responds, "We actually do, sir. We just ran out of bread.
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