Jump Jokes

I jumped the border to America
so I bet I can jump the border to you're heart.
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, want me to jump off this chairlift for you? 'Cause I think I could fall for you.
The Asylum Breakout Two men are in a lunatic asylum and one night, they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! They get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight to freedom. The first man jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn’t dare make the leap, afraid of falling. So then, the first man has an idea… He says, 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I’ll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' The second man immediately spots the problem with this and shakes his head. ' "What do you think I am? Crazy? You’d turn it off when I was half way across!"
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
“There’s no such thing as ready. You just jump on a moving train and you try not to die.”

- A Dad, ‘What To Expect When You Are Expecting.’
The Same Old Sandwich There was a Redhead man, a Bald Man and a Blond man working on the top of a cliff. The Redhead said, "You know, every day it's the same sandwich my wife makes me. I'm so sick of it. If I have cheese in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off this cliff." The Bald man said, "Right there with you my friend. If I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The Blond man said, "With you all the way chaps, If I have ham tomorrow, I'll jump off the cliff." The next day, the Redhead man had cheese, the Bald man had ham, and the Blond man had jam. So they all jumped. At the funerals, the wives of the Redhead man and the bald man said, "Why didn't they just TELL us they didn't like their sandwiches??" The Blond's wife said in tears, "I don't understand it... He made his own sandwiches!"
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
Jump up 10 times each morning it would help you elongate yourself.
You're so short you could bungee jump off a curb!
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
His First Jump A blond guy always wanted to skydive. He waited for years before he had the nerve and enrolled in a skydiving class. They were taught how to jump and when to pull the cord. The instructor told them: "First you pull the cord after 10 seconds, if that doesn't work for any reason, pull the second cord for the auxiliary parachute. At the bottom there will be a bus waiting to take pick you up." So the blond guy takes his parachute and sits nervously with everyone as they are preparing to jump. The light comes on and they start heading out the plane one by one. When it comes to his turn, the blond guy screams and jumps. For 10 beautiful seconds, he gets to fly and hover. Then he remembers to pull the cord. Nothing happens. Panicked, he pulls the other cord. Again, nothing happens. "Oh man," said the blond guy to himself, "that bus better be down there or I'm screwed!"
I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I’m not gonna die the same way.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
How does a kangaroo win a gold medal?
In the long jump.
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