Lunch

A man gets up and heads off to work despondent that not one member of his family has wished him Happy Birthday. What an ungrateful lot he thinks.

When he gets to work his attractive secretary asks him what’s wrong and he explains.

“Why don’t I take you out to lunch to cheer you up,” she says.

After a lovely lunch and a couple of glasses of champagne, she says do you mind if we drop into my apartment on the way home.

Interested, he replies,” Sure!”

At her apartment she smiles, fixes him a drink, and then says, “I just have to slip into the bedroom for a minute.”

In a moment she’s back with a birthday cake, his family and all his friends.

And there’s him lying naked on the couch.
God is Watching
God is Watching The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic primary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Hey, we can take all we want. God is watching the apples."
World is vast and wide.
So much out there to explore.
Right now, let's eat lunch.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Two 4's.
Two 4's who?
No need to make lunch we already 8.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
What did the astronaut cook for lunch? An unidentifiable frying object.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.