Coat Jokes

Can You Please Shoot Me Some More? Dave the ranch hand had just finished up his work for the evening and is about to get into his car when a man dressed in black appears from the bushes with a gun in his hand. "Give me everything you've got!" he screeches at Dave. So Dave hands over his money and his wallet, but as the man is about to leave Dave stops him. "Say..." he says to the robber. "Could you shoot a few bullets in my hat to make it look to my wife like I was truly afraid for my life? She'd think I spent it on booze and gambling otherwise." The robber had a wife too so he agreed and shot a few holes in Dave's hat. Dave then asked, "Please shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not like a coward." The criminal sighed and shot the coat. Then Dave said: "Can you please shoot-" "please, no more, I'm out of bullets!" said the mugger tiredly. "That's what I wanted to hear." Smiled Dave unpleasantly. "Now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue!"
How to Use a Pawn Shop Bill wandered into Max’s pawnshop and placed a coat on the counter. “How much will you give me for this?” Max checked the coat for a second. “$20, and that’s the best offer.” he replied. “But that coat is worth $100." argued Bill. Max was adamant. “$20 or nothing.” “Are you sure that’s all it’s worth?” pressed Bill. “Positive. That's the best price you'll get for it.” “Okay,” said Bill. "Here’s $20. The coat was hanging in your doorway and I was wondering how much it was worth.”
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
Going to See the Doctor It was early morning and an old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said,"Where are you going?" He said, "I'm going to the doctor." And she said, "Why, are you sick?" "No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills." So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?" She said, "I'm going to the doctor, too." "Why?" She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again then I'm going to get a tetanus shot!"
The Lost Coat Two senior gentlemen are working at a sewage treatment plant. One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake. "What are you doing?!" he yells "My coat fell in!" his buddy yells back "You're not really gonna wear that again are you?!" his friend said worriedly. "No, no. Gosh no!" Says the old man to the relief of his friend. "I have to get it back though. My teeth are in the pocket!"
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What do you call a French leather coat maker...?
Jim Lapel.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore…
But he did have a hand in it.

What kind of tea did the American Colonists want?
Liberty.
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy