Buddy

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer!
Now, let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier.
Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
What Reincarnation is All About
What Reincarnation is All About A soldier is reading a book while off duty when he sees his sergeant coming. Everyone hated sergeant Thompson, he always had a big stick up his bum. "Private." "Sergeant Thompson, Sir!" the soldier said, standing up smartly. "At ease." The soldier gladly returned to his book... until he realized the sergeant is still standing over him, staring at the cover. "Yes, Sarge?" "What's that rubbish you're reading there, private? Re..incar..nation? What's that all about?" "Well," smiles the soldier, "It's pretty simple sir. Say you died, God forbid, and we buried you. Then a few months later grass grew on that plot of land. Then a cow came and ate that grass. As nature dictates, a few hours later it passes it through its stomachs and dumps it out on the ground... Then I would walk by and say: "Hey Sarge, you haven't changed a bit!""
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
The moon asked the sun: Buddy when you are so hot, why are you single yet?
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.