Body

What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
My wife just yells from upstairs and asks "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"

Sounding concerned, I reply, "No..."

A few seconds of silence, and then she shouts: "How about now?"
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.

Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!

Doctor 2: No, it is.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
"No body won the skeleton race."
What did the doctor tell the skeleton who wanted to donate his body to science?
Spine on the dotted line.
What are the two most profane bones in the human body?
The blasfemurs.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
The Mysterious Smiles
The Mysterious Smiles Three new corpses were delivered to the morgue one day, each with a great big smile on his face. The mortification examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death. "First body- Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face. Second body- Irishman, aged 30, won a thousand euros in the lottery, spent it all on whiskey, and died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile on his face." The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?" The mortician says, "Ah, this is perhaps the most unlikely of all. Billy-bob, a farm boy from Oklahoma, aged 25, struck by lightning". "Why's he smiling, then?" "He thought he was getting his picture taken".
What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p.e.n.i.s?
The spine.
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body..
He’ll be born in March.