Ear Jokes

Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
The Real All-You-Can-Eat
The Real All-You-Can-Eat A few decades ago there is a restaurant that advertised that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology. A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be total BS, but decides to try it out anyway. He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?" Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin to eat, please" Waiter: "Give us just a moment." The waiter leaves to the kitchen. As a few minutes pass by; the man believes he's going to get an easy $5000 as he thinks they are taking too long and probably preparing something else. At this moment, the waiter returns. Appearing a little anxious, the waiter asks, "Apologies sir, but do you mind telling me what kind of elephant you want this ear from?" The man is stunned. He didn't think they'd get to this moment. Man: "Uhhh... .An Indian elephant is fine." Waiter: "Thank you." The waiter goes back to the kitchen. 1 minute later, the waiter returns again. Waiter: "And which side did you want the ear from?" The man is starting to sweat bullets at this point. Man: "Uhhhhhhhhh.... Left ear, I guess." "Splendid." Says the waiter and leaves to the kitchen yet again. The man is scared as he has no idea how much this ear is going to blast away his wallet. 5 minutes later, the waiter comes back with a platter of food and $5000 for the man. Waiter: "Here is your order sir. Sorry, but we are out of muffins."
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
A Blonde at the Burn Ward
A Blonde at the Burn Ward It's a regular day at the hospital when a Blonde woman comes into the burn ward with both of her ears burnt. The doctor in charge had never seen an injury quite like it. "How did you get both sides burnt like that?" He asked her. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone." "Well that explains one ear," said the doctor, his eyebrows raised as high as they can get, "but what about the other ear??" "Well, I had to call an ambulance, didn't I?"
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
An Absent Minded Doctor
An Absent Minded Doctor A doctor is going about his business, with a rectal thermometer tucked behind his ear. He goes into a staff meeting to discuss the days activities, when a co-worker asks why he has a thermometer behind his ear? In a wild motion he grabs for the thermometer, looks at it and exclaims: "Darn, some as*hole has my pen!"
The Remakrable Native American
The Remakrable Native American Many years ago, two cowboys come upon a Native American lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy. "Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the Native American looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Remarkable!" The Native looks up weakly and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."
I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.
I must tell you friendly in your ear, sell when you can, you are not for all markets.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
"If I hold a can of soda up to my ear and listen carefully, I can hear my bones pleading for a glass of milk."
– Bridger Winegar
You have me greening from ear to ear.
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