Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, was it Red Bull that gave you wings, or are you just an angel?
How do you hold a bat?
By the wings.
How does santa get his Reindeer to fly? He uses Red Bull because it gives you wings!
God and the Lazy Pigs
God and the Lazy Pigs God is handing out characteristics to all of the animals, and he's getting close to the end of the list. All the animals have picked except the lions, the beavers, and the pigs. God looks up from the list and says "Who wants courage?" One of the pigs says to another, "Ooh, we should get that!" the other one says, "Nah, who wants to be courageous? You have to strut around, humans will start hunting you, it's a huge pain. Let's wait." The lions speak up and take the courage. "Next up, industrious! Who wants to be known for being industrious?" The pig says, "Hey, we could definitely be that. Make stuff, stay busy, it sounds good!" The other pig says, "Are you crazy? Get up at dawn, work all day, who wants that? I'm sure God saved the best for last." The beavers pipe up and take industriousness, so God goes back to his list. "Next up, we have wings, who wants to fly?" The first pig says: "Wow, we've got to get THAT one! We could fly all day?" The second pig says: "Exactly, fly around all day, beat your wings all the time? That sounds exhausting, you'd have to fly for hours beating your wings like mad to stay aloft. No thank you! Let's wait for the really good stuff." God looks at his list, getting to the end. "Let's see, claws are taken, flight went to the birds, the cheetah got speed... Okay, here we go. Who wants to be delicious?"
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
Don’t get me wrong, I love our soccer team. However, in sharp contrast to the albatross, our team doesn’t have two decent wings.