Turtle Jokes

The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

(Amos Russel Wells)
An Elephant Never Forgets An elephant was drinking out of the river one day when he spotted a turtle lying fast asleep on a log. The elephant walked over and kicked the unsuspecting turtle clear across the river. A passing giraffe who happened to see this happen asked the elephant, "Why did you do that?" The elephant replied, "Because I recognized it as the same turtle that bit my trunk 38 years ago." The giraffe said, "Wow, what a memory you've got!" "Yes," said the elephant proudly. "Turtle recall."
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
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