How do you keep a blond busy for 2 days? Give her a piece of paper that has "please turn over" written on both sides.
One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor asked her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone by mistake. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other?" "The bastard called again."
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
I broke both my legs yesterday and now I have to use a wheelchair I really can’t stand my situation right now.
A Duel For Love
A man gets home early from work and catches his wife in bed with another man...
The husband challenges the other man to an old fashioned duel with his hand guns, whoever manages to shoot first and kill the other gets his wife. The other man agrees, so they go into another room so the wife doesn't have to see it. Once in the other room, the husband turns to the other man and says:
"Why should either of us have to die? We will both fire a shot into the air and lay on the ground as if we're dead, when she comes in she will see our 'lifeless' bodies and rush to one of us, whoever she chooses can have her." The other man agrees again, so they fire into the air and collapse.
The wife throws the door open and peers down at the two men, then backs out of the room and calls out: "Darling, you can come out! They're both dead!"
A man goes to his male doctor after several tests and tells him, "Give it to me straight doc!" The doctor replies, "That's impossible, we're both male." They both laugh and the doctor says, "Besides, I don't want AIDS."
What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common? They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.