“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“I’m not retiring, I am graduating . . . retirement means that you’ll just go ahead and live on your laurels and surf all day in Oceanside. It ain’t going to happen.” – Junior Seau
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
"His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours."
~ Arthur Baer
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” – Groucho Marx
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
"The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary."
~ Vince Lombardi
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” – Earl Nightingale
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired. – Michel Tournier
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.” –Anonymous
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
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