“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.” – Douglas Adams
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?"
~ J. Paul Getty
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?'” — Don Marquis
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” – Scott Adams
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.” – Proverb 10:26
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches."
~ Bove’s Theorem
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die."
~ Bill Watterson
“The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.” — Dennis Miller
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse."
~ Archie Bunker
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” — William Faulkner
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
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