“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.” —Ina Garten
“Cut my pie into four pieces, I don’t think I could eat eight.” — Yogi Berra
“Archeologists 10,000 years from now will believe this was a sacred feast where gravy boats were worshipped.” —@WilliamAder
“Do you think Abe Lincoln would have declared Thanksgiving a national holiday if he knew it would mean the Lions play every year?” — Conan O’Brien
“New pick-up line to try today: “Hey, are you a turkey? Because I want to gobble you up and then fall asleep.” — Rebel Wilson
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
“In honor of Hanukkah falling on Thanksgiving, I am going to spend dinner feeling guilty about everything I have to be thankful for.” — Conan O’Brien
“Turkey lurkey doo, and turkey lurkey dap. I eat that turkey, then I take a nap.” —Adam Sandler
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde