“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
"Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street." ~ Jay Leno
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
“A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.” — Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." ~Sam Ewing
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” —Samuel L. Jackson
“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” – Steve Martin
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin